Забавни цитати

Ами пускайте цитати, които са ви засмяли или направо са ви накарали да се попикаете от смях... Няма значение дали са от филм, книга, дали някой ги е казал просто така, и т.н. Ето ги и моите, на ангрийски са, дано нямате нищо против... Ако е проблем, ще ги преведа

"I never had a slice of bread,
Particularly large and wide,
That did not fall upon the floor,
And always on the buttered side."
~ published by a newspaper in 1841, Norwalk, Ohio; a parody of Thomas Moore's "Lalla Rookh"

"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."
~ Murphy's law

"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ..."
~ Louis Hector Berlioz

"Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway."

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer."
~ Douglas Adams

"I can resist everything except temptation."
~ Oscar Wilde

"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit."
~ Somerset Maugham

"There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors."
~ Jim Morrison

"Humor is just another defense against the universe."
~ Mel Brooks

"When humor goes, there goes civilization."
~ Erma Bombeck

"Melchett: If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through."
~ Black Adder; Season 4, Episode: Private Plane

"I think I'll write my tombstone - Here lies Edmund Blackadder, and he's bloody annoyed."
~ Black Adder; Season 4

"That would be as hard as finding a piece of hay in an incredibly large stack of needles."
~ Black Adder

"I'm as excited as a terribly excited person who has a really good reason for being terribly excited."
~ Black Adder

"We're in a sticky situation all right. This is the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick insect got caught on a sticky bun."
~ Black Adder

"Believe me, Baldric, an eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish minions will be as nothing compared to five minutes alone with me...and this pencil."
~ Black adder

"Baldric, you wouldn't recognize a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsicord singing subtle plans are here again."
~ Black Adder

"Ah, Percy. The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed."
~ Black Adder

"Death and famine stalk the land like two great stalking things."
~ Black Adder

Аз такива много обичам да чета и редовно го правя де :D:D И някои отговарят на действителността дори :D:D
Eто няколко и от мен:

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me?? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!!

roses are red violets are blue a face like urs belongs in the zoo, dont worry cuz ill be there too, not in a cage but laughing at u

your lips keep moving but all i hear is blah blah blah

From this point on I'm going to treat people exactly how they treat me. Some should be glad. Others should be scared. -това се отнася за мен :D

If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals." - това ме разби

Ето още няколко:

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
~ W.C. Fields

"What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick."
~ Anonymous

"He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news."
~ Bertolt Brecht

"In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory." (това ми е едно от най-любимите xD xD xD)
~ Les Dawson

"He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news."
На мен пък това ми хареса :D:D


I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet .

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.

You know you're old when the candles cost more than the cake.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life?! WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - хахахахах дааам, има логика

Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.
~ Madeleine Kahn (from the film Clue - 1985 - Jonathan Lynn, John Landis)

Ето и няколко от един от най-любимите ми писатели, Оскар Уайлд... ^^

~ "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes."

~ "Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much."

~ "Work is the curse of the drinking classes."

~ "The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius."

Няма грозни жени ... мъжките очи са различни !

Не можеш да забравиш нещо, което е променило живота ти, не можеш да забравиш чувства, които са те накарали да пораснеш!

Имам чувство, че нямам чувства… !!

Алкохолът е враг на човека, но Бог е казал: "Обичай враговете си!"

Хората, които закъсняват, винаги са по-весели от тези, които ги чакат! ;D !!!

Животът ти ще е такъв, какъвто сам си го направиш. ( :

Смей се и светът ще се засмее заедно с теб. Плачи и ще плачеш сам...

Aко ти паднеш – падаме заедно, ако аз падна, няма да те повлека с мен !!..

Аз не паднах просто пода искаше прегръдка ! ;D